Womens’ Night: Sexual HARASSMENT and Assault
Spring 2018
Bullet point summary of our discussions:
~ Women have made a lot of progress as a group but there is certainly room for improvement.
~ We are worried about raising both sons and daughters during these times. Even in 2018 there is still a societal focus on looks/cuteness/prettiness in girls. African American women are concerned about their sons being treated differently in so many ways - especially in the eyes of the law and particularly when they are seen with/dating white women.
~ Sexual harassment is usually about power. Women of color are at particularly high risk as they are seen by some as inferior to white women.
~ We had women from Syria, Cuba, Mexico, India, among others nations- there are vast differences in these issues in various cultures.
~ Microaggressions do matter and the more we call them out, the more likely they will stop. At times older generation men (and others) do not know they are committing harassment. We discussed that it's all about “how it makes someone feel”. Sexual harassment means very different things to different people. Flirting in a bar makes many people feel good and can be part of the spice of life. Getting called "sweetheart" during rounds with a hand placed on your low back can feel humiliating.
~ There were a few side conversations about sexual abuse - and the main point was that it is imperative that the victim be believed. There are many strong survivors of abuse and rape who you’d never imagine have experienced this.
~ Regarding rape, sexual assault and abuse, there was consensus that “the more you talk about it, the less it matters.” Most agree it is better not to suppress this stuff. (And no, it wasn’t your fault.)
~ Concern was voiced that #MeToo has gone too far while others felt perhaps not far enough. Most agreed that it is much easier to talk about these issues thanks to #MeToo- less shame for the victim, less "reputation protecting" by the victim by keeping quiet. But many women still remain silent after sexual assault and rape.
There are so many interesting Ted Talks on these issues. This one has really stayed with me. (In Spanish with English subtitles.)
Why Women Stay Silent After Sexual Assault
Finally from our anonymous survey regarding everyone's personal experience, here are the results (FYI the denominator was wrong when I announced these last night so the percentages were even higher than we thought...)
"Yes" responses from our group -
Sexual harassment - 55%
Sexual assault - 28%
Rape - 17%
Verbal Abuse - 75%
Sexual Abuse - 17%
These figures are not small. And studies show that if this group included 1) only women of color, or 2) less educated women, or 3) only women with a low socioeconomic status, that these numbers would be even higher.